Art from the Artist

(Preface: This Article is purely satire and should be read and for my fragile little ego, enjoyed as such. Any points or justifications made are not serious and none of the content explored throughout should be denounced.)

Art from the Artist, by Cian Walsh

Musicians are great. They make music. Music is fun. They are also human beings, which in some cases is unfortunate. People will often make excuses for their favourite musicians who have shady personal lives. It’s only natural. We wish to maintain the pedestal that we place them upon. Without them, phrases like “he made Graduation” don’t seem to hold as much weight as they used to. But seriously though, he made Graduation, don’t you get it? It’s a masterpiece, damnit. I don’t care about what he tweets, that album is a gift to mank-

Editors notes: we had to cut Cian off and try salvage the Motley image that he wishes to drag through the dirt. Hate that guy. Back to you, Cian. 

With this month’s theme being controversy, it only seemed fitting to make a brief list of musicians who have done very bad things and try to see if their actions are forgivable based on how good their music is. 

Thom Yorke:

Starting off strong with everyone’s favourite creep and weirdo, Thom Yorke. The Radiohead frontman has received backlash for an incident occurring in Melbourne last year at one of his solo shows. A member of the audience has shouted aloud “condemn the Israeli genocide of Gaza,” to which Yorke took offence to, calling the person a coward and insisting that they come on the stage and say it to his face. He would eventually storm off the stage but returned later to finish his set. Not the first time he would say some questionable things publicly. Probably won’t be the last. Back in 2006, he claimed that the Arctic Monkeys were gaining traction on account of the music industry and called them something that I do not wish to repeat. Look up the NME article. It’s wild and also very bad. Suffice it to say, he’s kind of mean. In Rainbows is great though. Not massive on Pablo Honey. 6.5/10 excuse. 

Dave Grohl:

Following that, we have Dave Grohl. The former Nirvana drummer and current Foo Fighters’ frontman had revealed his affair with another woman and fathered a child outside of his marriage. Goddamnit, Dave. You were basically the only nice rockstar for about 20 years. You wrote ‘Everlong’. You brought in Pat Smear to play with Foo Fighters. You’re Dave! You’re fun! Why would you do this to me? As you can tell, I really like his music. However, I wish to make one thing extra clear. I, Cian Walsh, think cheating is bad. Furthermore, it’s very bad and since the scandal I have strictly limited my Grohl content to Nirvana and that one Queens of the Stone Age album. We’ll give this a 7/10. 

Michael Jackson:

Not going there.

R-Kelly:

Definitely not going there.

P-Diddy:

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

Morrissey:

Okay, this one will be fun. There is quite a stigma around being a Smiths fan. You like The Smiths? That’s great! I’m sure you enjoy the colour blue-green, but refuse to call it teal. I bet tap water is a touchy subject for you. How much tweed is currently in your wardrobe? I beg to know. Regardless, Morrissey is a funny dude. Not funny as in “haha” funny, but more funny like, “What in the name of Christ?”. He hates the Chinese–called them subspecies in 2010 –that is very bad. He believes meat is murder as per the 1985 album of that very name. He cast doubts on the many, many women who spoke out against the predatory behaviour of Harvey Weinstein and also displayed a defence for Kevin Spacey amid the accusations he faced of sexual harassment in 2017. Were The Smiths good? No, they were fantastic. Good enough to defend Morrissey? That question answers itself. 3/10. 

Taylor Swift:

I fear for my life right now. Let’s get right into this. Tay-tay. Swifty. Other nicknames. I’m sure she has some. She makes music. She has fans. They’re fun. Great guys and gals who really like Taylor Swift. And her music. But most importantly, Taylor Swift. She probably gets a hard time. She did kind of slut shame a girl in her song, ‘Better Than Revenge’. That’s not cool, man. She’s been argued to use feminism to her advantage and weaponise it for herself and herself alone. Other people said that–not me. I did not ever say that in my life. I do have a family. Please don’t hurt me. But still, she could just drive some places. Overall, I hold some bit of a grudge toward her indirectly as my 5th class teacher made us learn a parody of ‘Shake It Off’ as gaeilge. So, yeah. Erm… 10/10 guys. She’s awesome? 

John Lennon: 

Our last ranking and once more a funny one. Not exactly Morrissey funny, but more like “if you gave me one hundred years to write the stuff he did in his life both before and after The Beatles broke up, I’d maybe get as far as ‘Helter Skelter’.” What a creature he was. He wrote a song about his son with lyrics and a melody read and heard like a gentle lullaby. Timothy Chalamet was in a movie with the same name as that song. That’s great! The song’s about his second son Sean Tara Ono and was written within a few years of Lennon excluding his first son, Julian from his will. Yikes. He also had Sean with Yoko Ono whom he had an affair with during his marriage to Cynthia neé Powell, Julian’s mother. Double yikes. He also admitted to being physically abusive in his marriages and relationships. Once more, that is very, very bad. He should not have done that. I was always more of a George Harrison guy, myself. Given that Harrison and Paul McCartney also wrote or had a vast input into The Beatles’ songwriting, we’ll give this a 5/10. 

So kids, what have we learned today? Musicians can be rather controversial. Sometimes, very. Sometimes, a tad awful or cruel. These are things that did happen. They were very bad things. That’s a hard pill to swallow when you’re listening to ‘Jigsaws Falling Into Place’,’ My Hero’, ‘This Charming Man’, etc. Unfortunately, it’s the reality. Pedestals seem befitting when we admire the work and passion that an artist puts into their art. However, I beg the question. Perhaps they could have spent that time not doing bad things? Maybe? Guys? Anyone? At the end of the day, they are people too and they’re not perfect. Some are the outright opposite of that. Should you reconsider your listening preferences based on what I've outlined here? I don’t know, man. You’re probably an adult. Make your own decision. I wouldn’t be running to their defence. I would suppose it’s better to just be aware that these artists we idolise are still human. For better or worse.