Chasing the Daze

By Features and Opinions Editor Cian Walsh

Dating is perhaps the least pleasurable experience that I could have written about for this month’s issue. I imagine you’re surprised by that. You probably thought to yourself, “Cian, wouldn’t you find dating very pleasurable? You delectable, baggy clothed stud, you.” 

In that case, I would tell you “Hey, I needed that. But no, dating is awful.”

The best date I’ve ever had was back in August. It was the night after a 21st birthday party. I was ghastly hungover. I would go on to miss a 23rd birthday party that night because of the date. To say I was in over my head going into this was an understatement. I found myself enjoying dating from time to time solely down to its novelty and unpredictability. I spent many dates excited over what was to come, and many other dates thinking, “If I could have a family emergency right now, that would be pretty cool.” This, however, was not one of those dates. 

I often think back on that night and wonder how it was that good? At no point was I putting on a different version of me that seemed suitable for the person at the other side of the table. In fact, she looked at me so sharply that even the legs of my chair felt like they were shaking and I couldn’t even begin to think of being anything else but me. I think that’s a nice baseline for pleasure. A blind willingness to enjoy the moments ahead while being caught in such a daze by the moments prior. 

The idea of a daze feels like an honest way of describing pleasure. Perhaps it is mindless. Which is bizarre considering the exhausted lengths we go to achieve it. I feel, however, that we don’t often know when to stop working towards this daze. I’ve heard of many instances of people on first dates where the night had gone swimmingly, but someone is still left with a sour taste in their mouth. They’re the kind of first dates that make you feel as if you won’t be on another for quite a while. Where do they go wrong?

I think often in dating culture, there’s the idea of the chase, which people romanticise heavily. I don’t think the chase is only specific to dating but regardless the two are often interlinked. Through the power of introspection, people can hopefully see where their dates go wrong. In the moment, people get caught up in pleasure. In the daze. It’s a dangerous place to be stuck in. 

Sometimes the night is so perfect that you wouldn’t dare wish it to end. This is normal, human, and understandable. But every night has to come to an end. My perfect date ended around one in the morning outside Four Star Pizza while we waited for her bus to come. We often think the nights that turned into days are where real pleasure remains. It’s hard to give up that kind of feeling. The feeling that it might yet last another while. It's a simple phrase and idea, isn’t it? “Too much of a good thing.” I’d like to believe that some good things need to end for better things to emerge. It took me quite a while to understand that, but thank god for it. It’s the reason I’m not talking about one good night I had last august but rather, the first of many amazing ones. 

To the good people reading this, I wish to tell you only this. Pleasure is patience. When you’re in the daze, enjoy it. Embrace it, even. But we all have to snap out of it eventually. Trust me, it’ll only get better.