Do Long Term Relationships Sacrifice Our Personal Freedoms?

By Editor in Chief Lisa Ahern

Commitment Issues biggest argument is that being in a long term relationship will squash your personal freedom from your life, making you a “slave” to your partner. Obviously this is a ridiculous and an over exaggerated analogy, but it is an interesting question to ponder on as someone who is in a relationship myself. 

So I decided to do some reading. Luckily, there are  hundreds of articles in both perspectives and one word that I noticed repeatedly being used was “sacrifice”! People who say that love is enough to make a relationship last, are lying. We need sacrifice from both sides of the relationship to help it grow and become stronger. Think of sacrifice as the protein of relationships. Now I’m aware, this is where the argument gets blurry regarding freedom. What if you sacrifice so much of yourself in trying to maintain the relationship that you begin to lose your own freedoms in life? 

Well I can counter this by bringing in the importance of having a bottom line. To maintain that free part of yourself you consider free, you must draw a line with your partner. There is always a point where you must not give up too much of yourself for the relationship and choose to prioritise yourself over the relationship. If your partner is the right fit, they will know it is their turn to give back to you. 

Another argument I saw across the webosphere is that relationships make people “boring” and that you lose the freedom to go out and party as much. If I am being honest with you I think that is absolute rubbish. When I was single, I was always conscious of how I came across to the opposite sex, always worried about what they would think of me. Especially in regards to going on a night out. Caring about how I danced in the club, or if what I wore was appealing enough (I know it was atrocious thinking on my part, unfortunately I was a victim of seeking male validation ). But now that I am in a relationship I think now I have more  freedom to be myself. I don’t worry as much. To dance and dress however I want. Unfortunately, I should have found this out by myself, but having a relationship has just been the catalyst in me realising that all that worrying was unnecessary and trite. 

For centuries, even going as far as the regency era, there is always the necessary urge to be on the “hunt” for a partner. So much time and effort gets put into it, that you lose time that is dedicated to just  yourself. But when that partner arrives for some people you realise, hey I actually have more time for myself suddenly. Instead of tragically waiting for a text back from a boy I barely know, I can have the luxury of switching off my phone and reading my book. I find now that in a relationship it does not matter if he texts me right that second or hours later, because I trust him enough to know that I will hear from him and that if I  believe it will go on for the long run, where’s the rush? So I tell myself “I will see them in no time. It's okay to have some me time!”

Which returns us back to the major question of this article: do long term relationships inevitably cause you to sacrifice your personal freedom?  In my experience, I don’t feel less of a freedom since I have gotten into a relationship. I feel more. A relationship made me realise the importances of my freedoms rather than overshadow them in the long run.  It is of course all relative with whether or not the person is right for you or even if a relationship is something that you want in your life. But that's for you to decide in your own time.